Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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