Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
