They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I won the penis lottery.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
