I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
