i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
