i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
