You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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