I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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