I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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