i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
