i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
