Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
