and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
