it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
