so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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