My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
