the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize