you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
