So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
