The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
