I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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