Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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