belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
