That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
