why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She said her name was "party"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
