I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
