I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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