I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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