So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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