I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
