sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
