did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
