Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
