Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
