i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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