Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
