a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
