***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
