this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
