Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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