Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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