What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
