I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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