I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
