Come see our sink grown plant.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
