I hate all girls vehemently.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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