Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
