woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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