She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
