Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize
