Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So apparently I’m into choking now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
