DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
