Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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