His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
