Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
