just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
