Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm too high and old for this...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
