Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
