Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize