Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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