come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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