Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
