Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
