i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
