I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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