I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
