someone threw a dead crab at me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
